The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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