Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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