I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize