i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
