Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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