my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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