I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
