Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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