I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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