yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you inspire me to be a worse person
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
