I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize