mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
