Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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