Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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