No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Im part way to drunk.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
