he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
