Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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