We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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