i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
vagina is talking i cant
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
