There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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