Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
