Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
