are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize