So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We smell like vodka and hangover
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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