Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
