my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
