i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
the raccoons are back...
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