my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
