We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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