Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
