Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I cannot find my penis.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
