Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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