and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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