He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
