i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
