Don't you send me to vm
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
