It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
