I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
