He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
