He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize