Betty ford says i'm here all night
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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