the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
