I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
