Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My penis needs a shock collar
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
