Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I wear drunk well.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
