I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
