You don't have asthma, your pregnant
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
