you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
