margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
