I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
