I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
