I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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