I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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