stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
