Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
