I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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