i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
