Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize