i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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