Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
