dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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