i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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