Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
