Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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