I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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