420 ftw
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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