I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize