This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
