Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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