I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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