So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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