were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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