He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
