apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
