I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
