I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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