help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize