i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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